Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Mr. Wilde

'There had been mad wilful rejections, monstrous forms of self-torture and self-denial, whose origin was fear, and whose result was a degradation infinitely more terrible than that fancied degradation from which, in their ignorance, they had sought to escape (...)'
                                                                                                                             Oscar Wilde

Monday, May 30, 2011


What do you feel like when you are walking through darkness, everything is pitch black, the soil is dark and wet, your steps sink deep into the ground....but the warm air and summer night breeze is still comforting? You walk towards your target...you are closer and closer...you see some dim light from afar, like the light of an old petrol lamp...makes you think of a relaxing fireplace, doesn't it? What is it like to feel horrified and attracted at the same time, being afraid and enjoying it? The fear of the unknown leads to curiosity after all.. the sense of adventure. Don't let fear dominate you.Dare to approach. 
Come closer.
You see a long, seemingly neverending rusted fence, with some barbed wire leftovers tangled on it...also rusted. This place must have been protected once. It was a place where people came to have fun, men, women and children. Especially children. The place must have been populated by noisy people during summer days.
Now, it is the doleful lair of decay. Of forgotten, frustrated spirits that you never thought existed.
You are there. You can enter through the hole in the fence, no need to walk all the way to the gate...there is no difference. These human-like creatures are spread around the yard. Silence. Only some whispers are to be heard..Whispers that stop as you walk into their sight. These people are quiet...they make remarks from time to time, which are almost inperceptible, so very quiet. They are demons...your demons. They have weird body structures, grotesque, yet alluring. As dead as this place and it's people might seem, there is insane fire in their eyes. Complete madness, craving, depravity, hunger and lust, bloodlust maybe. Their reaction to your simple presence is the very opposite of indifference.That makes me wonder: why do you want to get rid of your demons?
Why would I want to get rid of mine? To run away from them or eliminate them? When they are the ones that never leave my side, my mind...they torture me when I'm alone, they are there when nobody else is. They are the only ones always keeping me company. We never let them close, we always ran from them. If they approach, we walk away in fear. What if I would let them get me? Let them feast on me? Maybe they wouldn't harm me. How can I know that if I always run from them?
You should try letting them in too.Let your demons feast on you. On your energy. Forget about fear and open your mind. Surrender. Live a new experience...dare to. You might as well get used to their presence because, inevitably, someday you will become one of them. Someday you will be long forgotten and will be craving for some vivid enery to appear on the horizon.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

This is evolution: the monkey, the man, then the gun

...I've been thinking about that thing we've been taught...you know, that lie that they feed us all..that the human species is the most evolved one..That we are able to think, we are civilized, intelligent, have developed our languages, etc.
Oh goodness, we are so evolved!! They teach this to all of us, and people learn it and are too dumb to realize that's not really true, could be, but it's not... And they teach their kids, and so on. No wonder so many people look down on animals, for example. For ex. if an old lady (or just anyone) walks down the street and sees a man begging for money, she feels pitty and gives that man some change, cause 'oh my god, it is unfair for a human being to live like that!', but if a miserable dog approaches (with fear, but it wants to survive so it tries..) in hope of getting some food, the old lady chases it away 'Go away, you dirty dog! You'll give me fleas!'. Yea. Not to mention that the people who come begging for money because apparently 'they are starving', and you don't have money to give away but offer them some food instead, most of them don't even accept it, or if they do, after 2 steps you see them throwing it on the ground. (a while ago, there was this guy begging for money cause he was hungry, and I offered him the sandwich I had in my bag and he cursed me :| since then I don't even bother.)

But this was just one of the endless examples I could give. This was an example of how 'off track' people are, and how they follow this idiotic, wrong ideology and therefor, they think humans are the greatest, smartest, and everything else depends on us. Bullshit. If we are so great, why are we not even capable of looking after the beings we tend to consider inferior? Gah.

We say we are civilized. Humans are civilized...myeah. Then why do you think you can solve anything with violence? You have a rival, you feel threatened in some way, and you immediately appeal to violence. Or you see someone/something weaker than you, a prey. What do many people do? Become violent. See something that is unknown to you, like people with a different style, or a different life form that you have never encountered...what do you do? 'Fear of the unknown' describes most humans, as they see something different, they automatically (dunno why, but) feel that they have the right to take action against that 'unknown' thing, and this is unfortunately in most cases not interest, but violent behavior. Ring any bells? Really, what makes your big human head think you're better than animals with their instincts? See, there's not that much of a difference.

No wonder we have never actually made contact with extraterestrials... If you don't believe in their existence...sorry, you have no logic. They have studied us and know way more about us than we know about them, they ARE much more civilized, not berserkers, like humans. They had the wisdom to approach just as much so they can study us, and as they did, they never did approach more cause they obviously have seen that we the 'smart' humans give negative feedback to everything unknown, instead of trying to understand it. Though that would be in our advantage, we'd evolve a whole lot if we'd have some kind of partnership with such species. But WE can't even get along With each other, on our own planet, so...

Anyway! This was one thing with the violence part, that is one of the things that stand out mostly, and prove my point.
Then the language...that we can talk, we can form words, we're smart enough for all that. Animals and other species have their language as well! And they have the ability to communicate in a more simple way then us, they don't need so much crap. They're smart enough not to complicate everything as much as we do.
Plus that many animals gain the ability to understand what we say (our cats are a good proof), but when a dog barks you yell at them to shut up, you can't understand their words. So who is the dumb one, the uncapable one? You.
But of course we must feel cocky cause we have our guns, we have 'the power'.

You say: 'but we invented stuff, we built stuff, we built up countries, machines'. Yes, and with all that intelligence, we still do nothing but live with our..animal instincts, and wreck nature by building our 'precious' surrounding. We invade others' homes, by building roads across forests and wondering why there are so many roadkills, we polute the air and water. And you compalin about natural disasters....well, I think mother Earth has all the right to get back at us, for all we do with her! But even those affect only parts of the planet, what we'd need is a global catastrophe to teach us all a lesson. We go hunting and fishing AGAIN because of selfishness, 'cause it's a sport. Would you still NOT see a problem with this if something stronger than you would just come and kill your wife, kid, whatever, because it's a sport for them? Probably not.

And we never never become more open-minded. Never learn to accept a larger variety. Though it would be about time. Back in the 1950's, Elvis was getting stared at in highschool 'cause of his look, because he dared to be the way he wanted to be. Once he started his career, he got accused of being a bad influence and having 'filthy, unclean, satanist' lyrics in his music (eventhough I don't see much of that in his songs), got a lot of people against him. That was WAAAAY back then. And guess what happened in all this time? It is still that way!!! People weren't capable of knowin' any better but to keep up that behaviour until today. They talk about good and morality, cause they follow stupid premade rules, and wear a thick blindfold that they refuse to take off. Tsk tsk. And we say we do evolve.

Much of this is happening thanks to christianity. Fake fake fake people.
So very fake. They have all these rules, all that bible (which Peter Griffin calls a storybook, and me too). They claim to be the best, the cleanest, most pure, the correct ones, and everything else you can think of. Just that they do the exact opposite of what they preach. I won't even go into the fact that they believe EVERYTHING, and they base their lives on all that hoaks. They believe in an imaginary god, and the storybook. That says it all, eh their problem.
But the fact that they claim to be the good ones, but all they do is being fanatic and cause others problems JUST because they are not like them? Who knows how many innocent women got burnt by them, JUST because they thought they were witches?? Is that really a good deed? Why did they think they have the right to judge them just like that, and burn them to death just for that? And besides, what if they were witches, what did they care anyway? Everyone has the right to practice what they want. They're all good and pure,but their symbol is a man nailed to a cross, bleeding and tortured. And further more, this goddamn religion is all about humiliating yourself, to 'show god how much you worship him'. And what's in it for you? Heaven? Lol. You sacrifice all the pleasures of your life in hope of a nice place after death? You must be hella' dumb. Maybe you'll have a surprise and end up in hell with me and Satan hahah!

The pleasures of life! They are prohibited! In order to live a 'holy' life, you practically must have NO fun, what so ever. You must find your thrill by going to church every Sunday, by holding the fast every time you are supposed to, etc etc. You must repent for your sins! Of course! Those 'guilty' pleasures that are in fact normal things. You must go to church and 'confess' them to a stranger, otherwise you go to hell. LOL. You must live for God and for serving him only!

'Guilty' pleasures...I believe this is how sex has become such a tabu, why it's always been that way. That's why sex sells that well, and people have become so obsessed with it along the time. That's why it rules you. (besides your animal instincts, that we talked about). Because it's been considered a sin, it was prohibited, and as we all know, the most attractive things are the ones that are prohibited, or that seem hard to reach. It is not quite like that any longer, now there's more freedom, less boundaries. But as I said, the human mind doesn't evolve, and as sex, porn, partners are much more accessible at every step you take, the majority is still attracted to it because in their subconscious, they still see it as something prohibited and obscure, something that gives them a satisfaction and maybe pride, if they 'catch the fish in the hook'. Same reason why we judge others harshly when it comes to sexual-tinted things. I am not saying you shouldn't enjoy life, on the contrary. I am saying that these things shouldn't be considered obscure, shameful, something to hide, to be afraid to talk about..not anymore.
Usually, people who enjoy themselves and do what they feel like, get looked down at by others or so, this way they are taught to feel ashamed or something, and thus make a huuuuge deal of something that is just a natural thing to do. Of course you should have your limits, but stay true to yourself and don't care what others think, because it's your personal life.

I am neither some creepy tree hugger nor get on any kind of extreme, I just like being radical and seeing things as they are.

(One of the old posts I managed to recover)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Ugly things

I want to write a bit about some things people often do, and are so damn ugly. They're very common as I've noticed, and I think almost anyone was the 'victim' of this kind of behaviour, at least once, or have done it at least once...

So...people who have a problem with someone- regardless of the reason and circumstances- have to call that person a whore! Why is that? I will never understand. Why does everything have to lead to sex? I wrote about this in a previous post..now it's particularly about revenge. You get mad at someone, the first thing you do is try to ruin their reputation. If that is your opinion anyway, keep it to yourself. You are superficial and don't know any better, fine. But why do you have to go around telling stories to make someone look bad? I will never understand that. And the people who listen are dumb. They let their opinion about someone influenced. Hurray.

There are different cases and I'll write about some of them...
Let's say you have a friend (both girls), then you have a fight and what happens? At least one if not both go around gossiping about the other one, most often going around to everyone saying 'what a whore the other is'. As I wrote before: PEOPLE ARE NOT CAPABLE OF BEING CIVILIZED. If they really can't work their differences out, they still can't just let it go and ignore their 'rivals'. They must 'see to it' so the other one will look as bad as possible, in the eyes of the community. That's soooo low.

The other one is frustrated ex boyfriends and girlfriends. They break up with someone and they have to get their revenge for breaking up. Another thing I can't understand. How the hell can you expect someone to be with you against their will? Would you prefer the person to be with you cause they feel obligated, or what? It's so thypical that there's a couple, one of them screws up (maybe repeatedly) and when the other one had enough, he/she breaks up. So the idiot one gets frustrated cause he/she think they're such hot shots that nobody should have the guts to break up with them, then they Must get their revenge. Then they go around telling more or less true stories.

Guys that are frustrated like this usually go around telling everyone that their ex is an enoooormous slut. Then they either start putting out all their sexual experiences on the table, giving details about what he and that certain girl did, or they start inventing stories. That goes for the guys that have been refused, mostly.They get pissed cause a girl refused them and they invent stories. That he did this and that to her. If you are in any of these categories, you can go fuck yourself. It's so so ugly to share intimate details (without the agreement of the person you did the stuff with). And it's even more ugly inventing stories. I myself have heard stories about myself longer ago....even so, instead of going to the guy with that rich imagination and kick him in the balls really hard, all I did was have a good laugh. How can people get so low? Really now! Or girls that are also frustrated and can't take no for an answer, then they tell everyone how tiny his tool is, and how bad he is in bed. OR she says he fucked her - to compensate for what didn't happen. Tsk tsk.

The contrast is interesting, though; if a girl is good in bed, that's the thing that makes her look bad, cause then she's considered a 'slut'. The more and the better she does, the 'bigger slut' she is. But if otherwise, you say she's lame and you want more. Make up your mind! As for men, the 'worse' they are the worse it makes them look. If they don't do much, thats what makes them look bad and lame.

Both of these cases can vary since many of these 'storyteller' people invent stuff and tell stuff in a different way than what really happened. It depends on how they see it more convenient to themselves.

LAME. All these are incredibly lame. Any of these cases in any combination.

What I think is the most simple, correct, etc. is to just keep your intimacy between the 2 of you (or anyway, the amount of people it happened with :P...I cant be the judge of that, it's up to everyone to do what they feel ok with.), and don't go around telling everyone about them as soon as you have something against your partner/friend/ex. You might have the feeling that it makes you cool or something, but it doesn't. Trust me.

If you get dumped or simply refused from the start, get over your frustration and move on. Don't tell stuff or invent stuff, cause it's not nice.

And I always thought I am too immature...and I am. But THIS...this, my friend, is way beyond everything I can assimilate.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Since I can relate to this book so well, I've been writing quotes from it, like I always do when I read a book and bump into the parts I consider most interesting. So I will quote some bits and pieces that reflect my thoughts quite perfectly, and will try to explain my views on them. They will be in random order by the way. First one:

"In the Bible, the word antichrist is only used as a description of people who don't believe in the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth. He is not described as one satanic entity - as the beast of Revolution which many people believe - but as a person, any person, who deviates from the Christian orthodoxy. But through the years of myth-making and fear-sowing, Christianity metamorphosed antichrists into a single Antichrist, an apocalyptic villain and Christian bogeyman used to scare people much as Santa Claus is used to regulate Children's behaviour."

Why did this happen? Well...first of all, the very 'generation' of Christians that shaped the word above as to represent something negative, were supposedly good, sacred, holy and all that jazz. In reality, they control people through fear, so that they turn to this god, last but not least, for money. It's sheer terrorism really, people are weak and in their weakness, desperate enough to believe that there is an entity that will help them through anything. I say one of the reasons I don't believe in their god is because I can't see him. But I think that is exactly one reason why they do believe in him. They can't see him, which leaves them hope for his existence. People are not aware of their own (potential) power over themselves, in eachother even less (since people tend to care for themselves more than others care for them - if you are so unaware of yourself, others will care even less about you). So they complain that this world is hopeless, which leads them in the desperation of seeking some supernatural power and they know there is no real chance of disappointment since you can't see it, touch it. This is the worst part, that they don't realize it's exactly themselves who can control their own lives cause they are their own gods. Everyone is, and being aware of it is the first step to taking full advantage of the fact! Instead of wasting time praying to an imaginary friend and throwing money to the church thinking that will insure you a place in heaven (btw if god helps you unconditionally, why should you pay?), rather build up some self-awareness and make things happen for yourself. EVERYTHING is possible, you just have to dare to do what you stand for, dare to reach out and grab what you want. I for example am more and more convinced, by each day passing, that I can get anywhere I want, meet anyone I want just for the sake of a good conversation. Things always seemed to be coming to me as a result of my sheer existence and honesty in actions. I realized you can be somebody by just...being the untained self. If you are not a sheep or course, since in a flock of sheep, none is special really. And if you think I am the way I am just to call the attention of others upon me, you are wrong. It is the other way around, I have always been as I wanted and made my point and was glad if someone could relate to it, and felt good in my own skin despite critics and rotten tomatoes. I know it seems like I've come far from the main subject, but was saying this about myself mainly to underline the fact that you ARE capable of thinking for yourself if you want to. Regardless if it's about religion, taste in music, style, philosophy of life or anything. If you build yourself up as to adapt to others, to the flock, to the trendy kids in school because it is easier to deal with them than if they point fingers at you calling you a freak for being the way you like.....you are just submitting to what you don't want and by that you are giving them more power. I bet my kidneys that deep down they just do everything because they are cowards individually and need the acceptance of others for social survival. Isn't it better to be the freak you are and feel good in your own skin, not giving a fuck what they say (eventhough it can be hard sometimes, but it's worth it, trust me) and at the end of the day being proud of yourself for having an impenetrable individuality, succeeding through your own beliefs, rather than following along with the others, transforming to conform and feeling fake, selling your soul and betraying yourself? THINK. Boogie-men are only invented to impose you limits, but the only limits you have is the ones you create for yourself. Sadly most people are an easy prey for manipulation. Oh and plus if there really would be a boogie-man, I would prefer to be on it's side, rather than be on the positive side that is fake anyway (since the good is too boring and bored, so it makes much more effort to shun the evil side, evil is too busy being evil to care about preventing the good side to rise :P ). We all have a good and a bad side that are complementary, so why mask either of them? To conform? Nah. Conforming to the so-called good that mask their bad side means you'll do the same => fake, hiding all that until it explodes and when that happens, you will be an icon for evil and some influential public figure will be used as a scapegoat *wink wink*. So feel free to let out either of the two when you feel the need to..that is a part of being yourself. Repression is not a solution to anything, the more forbidden something is, the more you want it. THAT is what creates the real evil...

Sunday, January 16, 2011


Yes, again, this post will also be about something that pisses me off.
This time it's not religion, not discrimination, and so on. Na...This time it's about a different type of human error. I can't name it in one word, but...did it ever happen to you that someone just got mad at you, out of the blue, and they didn't want to tell you the reason? And even better, you didn't even know for sure if they are mad or not, you just noticed they are acting weird/mean/distant all of a sudden and if you ask them what's wrong, they say 'nothing' or just won't tell you. I noticed this happening a few times lately and I must say it pisses me off.
I am not really mature myself, and I don't want to be. But this attitude is more childish than anything.

I can't stress this enough: IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME, JUST TELL ME. Have the guts to tell me what's bothering you. Some balls. Don't be cowards. I like to know things clearly, you are upset with me for some reason, GO AHEAD AND TELL ME. You know that saying 'we learn from our mistakes'. But if people keep holding grudges and hiding the reasons, nobody will ever learn anything about how they should be around certain people, or about themselves.
Okay, holding grudges, being rancorous and being mad are some stuff that are beyond me anyway, I hardly ever get to the point where I actually get mad, and I am not rancorous. I can't be rancorous, it's a useless waste of energy and nerves. I get over stuff, keeping my point of view on things. But people who get grumpy for absurd reasons and stay grumpy...meh, I can't understand them. Can't you just lay back and chill? Maybe what happened is not the other person's FAULT, maybe it's just lack of compatibility in the personality of the two, and you can't blame someone for that, so chill out and move on if something didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. Gosh!

I, for one, often get people mad at me with the simple fact of doing what I feel like. Well...that will not change, so if you can't accept what I am and what I do, you can fuck off. (and once you 'fucked off', means you are no longer part of my life really => you don't have the right to judge me. Or even take my name in vain, lol.) Honestly, I put myself before anyone else, and if I get an opportunity that I would like to grab, I will not let it slip away and sacrifice myself just to please others. This is also a way of filtering people. I never hesitate, to me it's more important to stay true to myself than to others (with all this, I am not talking about cheating, in relationships, by the way. I hate that more than anything. I am talking about things in general, mostly in friendships). I try to make the two embrace and work together, but when people want stuff from me that I am not willing to do, sorry. I think I've always been fair, though! I never made promises that I was less likely to be able to keep. I kept everything on the table, I wasn't sneaky, if I felt like refusing you, I did, if something didn't seem fair to me, I told you, if we were talking about some sort of responsability that I didn't think I could handle, I told you. So still, I don't see the reason for these grudge thingies. Others than your own frustration, of course. And that is not my fault, I cannot get into your head and fix you. The most I can do is advise you to face the facts and move on.

Maybe some of these few people feel like I have betrayed them, or just made up excuses. Let me tell you something, I don't waste my time making up excuses, I tell you everything as it is, like it or not. Why would you think I lied? Well, because maybe I told you my reasons then, and afterwards you might have seen the opposite happening or something, so you feel betrayed or whatever. Ok. Question: Have you ever heard of unexpected things? Opportunities that just show up, affect you in an unexpected way, making you actually want to grab them and go with the flow, forgetting about your earlier decision and arguments? Modifying your plans suddenly? And if you are a person that follows the heart, you will grab that oportunity if it feels right to you, even if it is in contradiction with your earlier decision. Of course, this will piss certain people off and they will feel betrayed, seeing the opposite of what you told them happening. Then of course they'll be grumpy, and if they are in this category of people that won't show what's on their mind, it's just terrific. You'll end up with people suddenly giving you mean looks and you don't even know why.

So, I will always do what I feel like, even if that won't please you. Sorry, but that's the way it is and always will be. And if you have any kind of problems or if anything bothers you, go ahead and tell me. Many of you should know by now that I almost never freak out, so...One of the worst problems in this world is lack of communication. If people would just talk about things, everything would be easier. So bring it on, cause I am fed up with drama queens (regardless of their gender).

P.s. Today was sunny